


Since I Fell for You

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Rebecca Barnes, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Steve Rogers, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Scientist Bucky, Thanos was defeated in Wakanda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve and Bucky hate each other, but do they really.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 182





	Since I Fell for You

James Buchannan “Bucky” Barnes is good at his job. Back in high school when he served coffee, he was good at his job. When he went off to the military and became the youngest sniper in the 107th, he was good at his job. When he came home and went to college, studying criminal psychology and statistics, he was damn good at his job. Now, now he was too good at his job and it had slowly started to be a problem over the last few years.

See, Bucky went to work for SHIELD because they had come to his college graduation and spent the next several months courting him. They gave him a lab with equipment designed by Tony Stark. They gave him free rein to chase down any lead he believed to be worth the time and money. Many of the leads, that others would have skimmed over and not given a second thought to, ended up being Avengers level threats. He’d made a name for himself and because of that, his lab had been moved from the Washington SHIELD office to the Avengers Compound in upstate New York.

Hence, the issue…

Tony Stark had welcomed him with open arms and an open wallet. After trying to intimidate him, Natasha Romanoff had welcomed him with an open bottle of vodka. Wanda Maximoff had welcomed him with an open heart and turned, quickly, into another little sister and who wouldn’t want more of those. Sam Wilson gave him a hard time, but when push came to shove, stood up to anyone that would call Bucky’s hunches a wild goose chase. 

Hence, the biggest issue…

Steven Grant Rogers spends his time calling everything Bucky does a wild goose chase. Even when those chases end up being real leads, the super soldier still grumbles about them. And for what it’s worth, none of Bucky’s leads end up being a wild goose chase. So, James Buchannan “Bucky” Barnes has developed a dislike for thawed, early 20th Century World War II soldiers.

It starts abruptly when Bucky is on his way down to the communal kitchen because that’s where the relatively good coffee is kept and he overhears said soldier ranting at Tony and Sam. “I don’t understand why the two of you think so highly of a lab rat that doesn’t know the first thing about war.”

Before Tony or Sam can say whatever is on their minds, Bucky comes around the corner, arms crossed over his chest, and glaring at Mr. Perfect. “For your information _Captain,_ not only do I know about war, but if my unit was here, I’m pretty sure they’d take turns kicking your ass.” Going to the cabinet, Bucky retrieves a coffee mug. When he sees it has Cap’s shield on it, he drops it into the trash and grabs one that has Iron Man on it. Tony snorts gaining a glare from Captain America.

“Oh, and just what did you do for your unit?” The condescending attitude is clear and it sets the hairs on the back of Bucky’s neck on end.

Turning to lean on the counter, Bucky can see Sam’s within seconds of stepping in. “Contrary to what you think, which is…what… _Captain?_ That I danced and sang for them…oh…wait…that was you.” At that, Tony barks a laugh and Sam can’t hide the smile even though he tries. Taking his coffee, Bucky goes over to the Captain, poking him repeatedly in the chest. “I was a sniper with the 107th.” He leaves the kitchen, heading back to his lab and swears that he’ll ask FRIDAY before venturing out of his lab again.

What irks Bucky the most is that all his life and into adulthood, he had a crush on the super soldier. Believing the man to be kind and open-minded, but to find out that he’s a know it all, asshole unscrews Bucky’s mind in a way that he just can’t deal with. He had a crush on small Steve and a crush on bigger Steve and now…now he just wants that crush to go away. As long as the “good” Captain keeps his mouth shut, Bucky can still look and appreciate. That’s all down the tubes now because he has opened his mouth and it isn’t that he doesn’t understand what Bucky does, he just doesn’t respect what Bucky does.

It’s been a week and everyone, including Tony, has avoided coming to Bucky’s lab because he just doesn’t want to deal with any of it. When they tried to come and talk to him about the little conflict in the kitchen, he simply growled and they stopped. So, when the air vent falls from the ceiling and Clint drops into the lab, it is a surprise. Enough so that Bucky barks a yelp making the archer laugh. “What the hell do you want?”

Clint doesn’t seem taken aback by the gruffness. “I came to see if you wanted to get out of the compound for awhile.”

Bucky’s immediate reaction is to tell Clint to fuck off, but after a split second of consideration changes his mind. “Yeah, I think that would be a good idea.”

The agents on duty try to stop them because the motorcycles they take belong to Captain America. Both men just shoot the finger at them and take off anyway. Something about it makes Bucky laugh in a way he hasn’t since that day in the kitchen. They ride until around mid-day and Clint pulls off the road into what looks like a little diner.

Seated in a booth at the back, they pull out the menu and Bucky looks over the specials. “What is with you and Cap?”

Bucky drops the menu on the table and glares at Clint. “I’m trying to do a job and he has no respect for that. He also doesn’t have any respect for me as a person.”

Clint nods, looking out the window. “Yeah, that’s the story I got from Stark, too.” The waitress comes over, pouring coffee and taking their order. “I’m just confused by all of it.”

Bucky runs his finger around the edge of the coffee mug. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to accept that your leader is a grade A asshole.”

Clint leans forward over the table. “You gotta understand Buck that I’ve seen him in a room with politicians that he really doesn’t like and he’s nice to a fault.” Shaking his head, Clint furrows his forehead. “I’m telling you, this doesn’t line up.”

“I don’t know what to tell ya, man…he’s not a nice person. I guess if you serve a purpose for him then he is, but if he doesn’t see your value not so much.” Bucky doesn’t say anything else as the food comes, but Clint still looks puzzled.

That evening, when they return to the Compound, Bucky goes straight back to his lab. He isn’t twenty minutes into new calculations when the lab doors open and Captain America comes storming in. “You had no right to take my bike!”

Every nerve in Bucky’s body lights up in anger and every muscle tenses. “And you have no right to be in my lab! Us rats don’t like to share our space!”

For just a split second, Cap looks ashamed, but covers it quickly. “Believe me, I don’t want to be here, but you take one of my bikes again and there will be hell to pay!”

Bucky comes around the computer table. “I bet you didn’t have this conversation with Clint did you?” Cap flushes. “Why would you, he serves a purpose for you. I’m just a guy that takes up precious space here that could be used by someone more useful.”

Something in Cap’s stance deflates. “Look, I think…”

Bucky doesn’t have time for this. “I don’t really care what you think, Captain. Get the fuck out of my lab and trust me, I won’t touch your possessions again.” Cap leaves with slumped shoulders. Bucky nearly throws his coffee cup across the lab, but refrains deciding that Steve Rogers isn’t worth it.

  


Steve doesn’t really understand how he’s let this get to this point. He’s under no delusion, this is all on him. James Barnes has every right to throw Captain America out of his lab. Bucky has every right to hate Steve and there isn’t a person working at the Compound that wouldn’t agree. They don’t understand it, but they know that whatever it is that set off this mutual distain is real and irrefutable. 

The door closes behind him, hands in his pockets, he walks to the wall of windows and looks out on the practice field. No one is out there today. In the last few months, there have been very few days that anyone has been on the practice field other than to test new weaponry or Sam with his new set of wings. Since James Barnes came to the Compound, Steve hasn’t felt much like being out there.

He still runs every day and works out on the bags, but everything else just seems to have dropped off. After months of this lack of motivation, Natasha sends him, with her following to make sure he goes, to the hospital wing to be checked out. She, thankfully, waits outside while Helen runs a complete physical on the Captain. When the labs come back fine, better than fine really, Helen sits down with Steve.

“We’re just going to talk for a few minutes. This isn’t my area of expertise, but everything that Natasha has told me, you haven’t been acting like yourself.” She reaches out, placing a hand on Steve’s arm causing him to jump.

He turns a deep shade of red in shame. “Sorry…I…it’s…”

“Captain Rogers?” Steve deflates a bit at that. “Steve, anything you say in here is confidential.” Steve looks up at the ceiling and then over to the camera in the corner. Helen nods. “FRIDAY, I’m implementing Medical Protocol Blackout Alpha 1.”

Steve looks shocked when FRIDAY responds. “Medical Protocol Blackout Alpha 1 secure.” There’s a tingle across Steve’s arms and everything goes offline in the room, the windows even darken.

“What just happened?”

“Sometimes subjects come up in the medical wing that others, no matter who they are, have no business knowing about.” Steve looks unconvinced. “Even Mr. Stark can’t uncover what we talk about because nothing is being recorded. Once Blackout is implemented even FRIDAY isn’t aware of what we talk about. Medical Blackout means nothing is on the record. No one can access anything that isn’t being recorded. This is just you and me, Steve.”

Something in his shoulders relaxes. He still doesn’t speak for several minutes, but Helen just sits, waiting. She’s observed enough to know that Steve Rogers sometimes has to process before he can open up, so patience is the right course of action. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, and rubs his hands together. “When I was growing up, my ma and I couldn’t afford very much.” Helen doesn’t question the direction of his thoughts and just nods. “We took an apartment in a rundown tenement in a neighborhood that was…questionable.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t…explain what you mean by questionable.”

Steve gets up, pacing the small exam room, looking more and more uncomfortable. “Our neighbors were…I don’t even know what the politically correct way is to say this.”

“Just say it and if you say something not acceptable today, I’ll help.” Helen really has no idea where this conversation is going until Steve speaks again.

“The neighborhood we lived in was queer.” He immediately starts talking again, justifying the information. “We didn’t have much money and we needed someplace with four walls and the people were really nice to us and ma just thought that everyone should be kind to everyone else…and I just…”

Helen is standing next to Steve, one hand on his arm, the other on his back. “Steve…Steve…it’s okay. You don’t have to explain, but I still don’t understand why that’s affecting you now.”

He takes a deep breath and with the exhale he shutters. Helen begins rubbing his back, hoping it’s soothing. His next words are whispered into the quiet of the room. “When I was in my teens, ma got sick. She told me that she knew I belonged in that neighborhood.” He turns to Helen, tears threatening. “When she died, I moved in with a friend. It wasn’t ever anything romantic, but it’s where I belonged.”

Helen takes a deep breath and understands why Steve didn’t want to talk about this. Especially, when the Avengers are always in each other’s business and never let anything go. She knows how invasive Mr. Stark and Natasha can be and her heart aches for this man out of time, who doesn’t know where he fits in anymore. But more than that, she doesn’t understand why this is all coming out now. Until…

“Steve, have you met someone?” He turns another shade of red and she has her answer.

“Yes…no…maybe…” He goes back to the chair, throwing himself in it hard enough that is skids across the floor. “It doesn’t matter though. I’ve made sure that he would hate me.”

Helen thinks she’s knows who that might be, but wants to understand the bigger picture. “Why?”

He looks up, unclear as to her question. “Why have I made sure he hates me?” She nods. “I’m not sure. Maybe because it’s safer.”

“Safer for whom?” She kneels down in front of him.

He mentally struggles for a minute or two. “Me. It’s safer for me.”

“Why?”

“Because there are expectations of Captain America. Because everyone knows what I’m supposed to be. Because I’m supposed to be that red-blooded American boy.” Just the words coming out of his mouth seems to turn his stomach if the pained look on his face is anything to go by.

“Steve, liking a boy doesn’t make you any less red-blooded American, in fact, it makes you a little more human and be honest, do you really care what people think of Captain America? And doesn’t Steve Rogers count for something? Don’t you think it’s time you said your truth and not the party line?”

Steve sees the kindness in her eyes. Clearing his throat, he looks up hopefully. “I’m gay and I think I might be falling in love for the first time and that scares the hell out of me.”

Helen laughs, causing Steve to laugh. “I bet that felt good to say.”

“Yeah, yeah it did. Except now I have to figure out how to get James to stop hating me.”

Helen snorts. “That’s a whole different problem.” She stands pulling Steve up with her. “Start by apologizing and maybe bring him a coffee. He likes hazelnut mocha lattes.” She winks and Steve grins back. “Now, if Natasha hasn’t figured out that we’re on Blackout, she will soon, so if we stay in here any longer, she’ll think something…untoward is happening.”

“Mind if I use that to my advantage for a little while?” Steve gives a shy smile causing Helen to laugh.

“You mean you want her to think that we’re having an affair until you figure out how to tell them?” Steve nods. Helen gives a half shrug. “I could do worse. I mean, you’re no Thor, but you’ll do.”

When the door opens, Natasha stands. She’s ready to ask what was taking so long when Steve comes out, holding Helen’s hand then leans in kissing her cheek. Natasha’s mouth snaps shut. She smirks when Steve turns to her with a grin. “Well, well, well, didn’t know that was a thing.”

“It isn’t anything.” They walk toward the elevator and Nat elbows him.

“Sure Rogers.” Steve smirks, but not for the reason that Natasha thinks. If she thinks this is a thing, then Tony will think it too and they will stay out of Steve’s way.

  


Bucky enters his lab a few days later and knows, just knows, that someone is either there or has been there. Walking around the room he looks for a sign of someone currently in a place they shouldn’t be. Finding nothing, he goes to his work station and freezes. Sitting just off to the side of his keyboard is a cup of coffee, not just any coffee, but the place in the village that he loves. Against the cup is propped a small card. Looking around again, whether in paranoia or suspicion, he reaches for the card.

  


_James,_

_You’ve had a rough time since coming to the Compound, but I hope this makes your day better._

_  
_

The writing is beautiful and his first thought is Ms. Potts. She’s a class act and probably knows about the hell that Mr. Perfect has been raining down on him. Smiling, because he really loves his boss’s wife, he takes a sip and nearly cries when he finds that it’s his absolute favorite coffee. With a spring in his step, he moves about his day.

For the next several days he analyzes data from an operative in East Asia. Everyone else, well the higher ups in the government, have written off recent thefts and radical behavior as a small time splinter cell of a downed terrorist organization, but something about it seems off to Bucky. So, he’s been looking through the data over and over, mapping out their movements.

He’s neck deep in theories when the door opens and the on-duty agent comes in carrying a bag. “Mr. Barnes, this was delivered for you at the gate.”

It takes a couple of seconds for Bucky to register the words. Looking up, he’s confused. “I’m not expecting anything.”

“Well sir, you have lunch anyway.” The agent sits the bag on his desk.

Bucky removes his glasses, staring dumbly at a bag from his favorite restaurant in the city. “Lunch?”

“Yes sir.” The agent heads to the door. “And there’s a note.” Bucky’s head shoots up. “Which I didn’t read.”

Bucky snorts and opens the canvas bag, inhaling deeply. He really, really loves his boss’s wife. Bucky’s near tears with what he finds. “Thai Market Green Curry and Panang. I’m going to kiss Ms. Potts the next time I see her.”

The doors opened at some point and Tony stands just inside, hearing Bucky’s declaration. “And just why are you going to kiss my wife?”

Bucky’s head jerks up, grinning at Tony. “She’s been sending me things all week and this is just too much. How did she even know this is my favorite Thai place?”

Tony comes over, looking in the bag. Snatching the card from where it’s taped to the inside, he opens it, chuckling to himself. “This isn’t from my wife. That isn’t her writing or her assistant’s writing.” He boops Bucky on the nose with the card, letting it flutter into Bucky’s grasping hands. “Looks like you have yourself an admirer.” 

Bucky watches as Tony leaves the lab and looks down at the card.

  


_James,_

_Sometimes you get focused on your work, like we all do, and forget to eat. You should take better care of yourself or let someone else take care of you._

_  
_

It’s the same writing as before. Reluctant to think about who might be doing this, he sits down, opening each of the cartons, inhaling the incredible scent. “I don’t know who you are, but I’d marry you today.”

Partway through the food, inspiration hits. Bucky jumps up, going back to the holo-table. “FRIDAY, I need you to look for the indicators for what I just input.”

‘Give me just a minute.’

A few hours later, he has the Avengers, plus numerous agents, gathered in the conference room. Captain Rogers comes in, not looking nearly as arrogant as usual. Tony’s spinning around in a chair, tossing pieces of popcorn at Clint’s mouth. “Okay Buckster, we’re all here now. What’s got you all atwitter?”

Bucky frowns down at Tony, but starts presenting what he’s found. It takes nearly an hour to get through everything he’s been doing. Once done, it’s Black Widow that asks the question. Taking a deep breath, knowing the chaos that’s about open up and really not wanting to deal with Captain Asshat, Bucky lets the breath out. “Hydra.”

The room does indeed go into chaos and everyone, except one, is blowing him off like he’s crazy. “Man, what have you been smokin? Since before the Thanos crap in Wakanda, Hydra doesn’t exist anymore.” 

Then, the last thing that Bucky expects to happen, happens. Steve Rogers stands up, coming around the table, looking at the display. “I don’t think so, Sam.” He turns to look at Bucky. “Explain how you came to this conclusion.”

Bucky spends another twenty minutes or so, explaining to Steve how he figured this out. “It’s the only explanation for the things being stolen and for the minor skirmishes that have been going on. They’re testing something.”

Instead of Steve blowing him off or calling him out, he does the exact opposite and it comes close to knocking Bucky over with the Captain’s acceptance. “You did good work.” Bucky and everyone else in the room is shocked into silence. Steve looks at the group. “Suit up, we aren’t going to let this get out of hand.” He looks back at Bucky. “Can you send everything to the Quinjet?” Bucky just nods because he still doesn’t know what to do with a Steve Rogers that isn’t calling him out.

  


In the air, Steve goes back through everything that Bucky put together. Now that he’s faced himself, with help from Helen, he’s gone back and looked at everything that Bucky’s done. The man’s mind rivals Tony’s, just in a different way. Where Tony can see science as art, Bucky sees data that way. After having gone through every mission they’d been on since he joined the team, Steve wants to go to him and tell him how impressive everything is. How prepared they are when they’ve gone into some battle that Bucky’s data sent them on. He wants…so much.

Stopping that rather inappropriate train of thought, he starts reading the data again. It takes more hours than Steve wants for them to reach their destination, but once there, he starts giving orders. It’s going to be bloody, but they don’t have a choice. Whatever this little group wants, the Avengers have to stop them.

It’s weeks and weeks of fighting, but it all comes to a head in Eastern Pakistan. They’ve been chasing this Hydra group through Russia, China and India. When the final battle starts, they aren’t expecting the determination, but the Avengers do what others can’t. In this case though, a little more is on the line for Steve. These bastards were supposed to have died years ago, then they came back within SHIELD, Peggy’s baby, and that was the last that Steve thought they would have to deal with it. He and the team attack the base with extreme prejudice.

That doesn’t stop Steve from getting hurt while protecting Tony from a shot that would have killed him. When the battle is over, he leans heavily on Sam to get back to the jet. Clint, Nat, and Peter are limping, but in one piece. Rhodey practically carries Tony onto the jet. Nat sets in a course for home, looking back at her family.

Steve gets his phone from the pack he left on the jet when this all started. He checks to see if the deliveries were made like he ordered. Resting his head in his hand, he lets out a breath he’s been holding for weeks. They hit some minor turbulence and Steve winces. Sam sits next him. “I need to check you over.”

Steve shakes his head. “Take care of everyone else.”

Sam gives a huff. “I did check everyone else. Tony is stable, but will probably need to have his leg scanned when we get home and everyone else is just sprains and bruises. You on the other hand, you aren’t as strong as you think you are. Now get your ass to triage so I can look at what’s happening under that uniform.”

Sam knows it’s worse than they think when Steve doesn’t argue again. He just gets up and uses the bulkhead to make his way to the lab at the back. Stripping off his uniform top, he lays down on the table and passes out. Clint comes in as it happens and the last thing that Steve hears is, “SAM!”

  


After the team leaves, Bucky keeps updating the information they have. He keeps watching the cell and making sure the Avengers know what’s happening. It’s nerve wracking every time to be in this position and know that they are out there because of him. Two days after they leave, there’s another delivery of coffee, but it’s the bag that stops him. His all time favorite place growing up was a little place in Brooklyn that served bagels. It’s been a couple of years since he enjoyed those bagels and the bag has their name on it. Opening it slowly, he finds three different bagels with cream cheese, capers and paper thin smoked fish.

He’s seriously going to marry whoever this is. And since the Avengers are gone, it has to be someone that’s still at the Compound. As he puts his bagel together, he thinks about the agents and support staff still milling around. He comes up blank.

A few days after that, he’s nearly falling asleep on his desk when the lab doors open and the same agent from before comes in carrying another canvas bag. “Seriously Dr. Barnes, who likes you enough to do this?”

“I have no idea, but if you figure it out, I’m not sure I want to know.” The agent looks confused. “I’m afraid if I figure out who it is, they’ll stop spoiling me.” The agent chuckles on his way out.

Bucky opens the bag and finds a bottle of really nice wine, something that smells like ricotta gnocchi and if he isn’t mistaken, cannoli. “Oh my god. Should I think this is creepy that someone knows me this well?” Bucky looks up. “FRIDAY, should I be creeped out by this?”

‘Sir, does this make you happy?’

“Yes, very much so.” He starts by opening the wine while eating a cannoli.

‘Then you should enjoy the attention, Dr. Barnes.’

“That’s a good answer.” The random gifts keep coming over the weeks that the team is gone. It isn’t until a few days before their return that a coffee is delivered, just a coffee, from the same shop that Bucky loves, but with it comes a letter.

The agent that brings it in, is the same that always brings the food. He looks a little embarrassed and for a second, Bucky thinks he’s the one that’s been doing it. “Dr. Barnes, I owe you an explanation.”

Bucky quirks an eyebrow at him. “And why is that?”

“Sir, he made me swear that I wouldn’t tell you it was him doing it.” He’s pulling an envelope out of his pocket.

Bucky holds up his hand. “Listen, whoever this is, it’s been nice, but if he doesn’t want me to know who he is, then I respect that and you should to.”

The agent hands over the coffee and the envelope. “That’s not what he wants anymore. He told me that when it looked like they would be coming back, I was to get you a coffee and he was really specific about the coffee, and I was to give you the letter.” The doors close behind him and Bucky stares down at the letter, his name inscribed across the envelope. Slipping his finger under the flap, he takes a breath and opens it. The same beautiful writing greets him and he forces himself not to look at the signature yet.

_James,_

_I thought a lot about this and decided that I can’t keep skulking in the shadows, watching and not saying anything. The coffee, the food, it was all so I could just see you smile. Seems ridiculous now since I’ve been away on a mission and didn’t get to see you enjoy any of it._

_Before I go any further, I want to apologize to you. I am so sorry, James. I don’t hate you or disrespect what you do. I don’t know why I acted that way. No that isn’t true, I do know, but it isn’t an excuse. There’s no excuse for that kind of behavior. My ma would tan my hide if she knew. So, here it is._

_You know where I came from, everyone knows where I came from. Old habits die hard, as the saying goes and my habits were to try and pummel the fear. You frighten me, James Barnes. Fact is, you scare the hell out of me. When I was smaller, I had to be aggressive or the bullies in the neighborhood would never leave me alone. When I got bigger, I had to play a part that everyone expected. When I came out of the ice, I found out that my reputation was bigger than life. Something I could never live up to._

_Then you came along and a fear that I’ve never felt before took hold. A fear, that as hard as I tried, wouldn’t let me go. Old habits. When I was afraid as a kid, I would get mad, lash out. That’s what I did with you. I lashed out against the thing that frightened me. Again, I’m so sorry._

_Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed the subtle reminders to eat._

_Steve aka the asshole_

The letter crumples in Bucky’s hand as he sits heavily in the chair. “What the fuck?”

  


“FRIDAY, run a scan!” Sam and Clint are trying to figure out what happened, but neither were near the blast that took Tony down. Natasha’s in the pilot seat, giving as detailed instructions as she can to the medical team at the Compound. Tony stands against the bulkhead of the med-bay watching all of it.

‘Dr. Banner, it appears that there is an obstruction.’

“Identify.” Bruce hasn’t stopped working on Steve. They gave him an injection that woke him, so Bruce could ask questions. But Steve’s been in and out.

Steve for his part seems calm, too calm. “Bruce, it’s okay.”

Leaning over the super soldier, Bruce looks grim. “I don’t think you comprehend the extent of this injury.

By the time they reach the Compound, there’s a medical team waiting. Steve’s gone pale with blood loss and the team follows, some limping, some with minor abrasions, but all of them unwilling to leave Steve’s side.

As the jet lands, FRIDAY, Captain Rogers’s accomplice, along with the agent, in the gifts for Dr. Barnes, decides the young doctor should know what’s happening. ‘Dr. Barnes, report to the medical floor.’

Bucky jolts and stands. “FRIDAY, what’s happening?”

‘Captain Rogers has been injured.’

“How bad?” Bucky’s hands start to shake and he looks down at the letter that he’s been carrying around for days.

‘Dr. Barnes…report to the medical floor.’

He takes off at a dead run and doesn’t stop until the doors open. The Avengers look at him and he knows. It can’t end like this. “Tony?”

  


Bucky watches from the observation room as Dr. Cho and her team work on Steve. Tony comes in, handing Bucky a cup of coffee. Taking a sip, he looks down at the coffee, frowning. It’s not the coffee Steve’s been sending, it’s just the regular stuff from the communal kitchen. A quiet whimper comes out without Bucky’s permission. Tony’s hand lands on his shoulder and he tries to think positive thoughts, but there’s so much blood, so much movement by the medical team, so many questions running through his head. Looking over at Tony, he can tell there are bandages under his t-shirt. “What happened?”

For several minutes, Tony doesn’t speak. He’s trying to gather his thoughts about what to say and what he can’t say. “You were right. It was Hydra and they had infiltrated further than we thought.” Straightening his shoulders, he gets that patented Stark smirk. “But we’re better.” Bucky tries to chuckle at the obvious attempt to amuse him, but it comes out choked. “I almost took a blast that should have…well…we won’t talk about that, but he jumped in front of me. We both went down, but…” Tony examines his young friend. “You know about the deliveries.” Tony had known before they left what Steve was doing and had his suspicions as to why their fearless leader was doing it, but it wasn’t his to question. So, he didn’t, but now it seems like it needs to be talked about.

It isn’t a question, but Bucky nods. “I found out a couple of days ago. He wrote me a letter. Tried to explain, but I still don’t understand.” The last words catch in Bucky’s throat and surprisingly for both of them, Tony hugs him.

  


“He’s not responding the way we thought he would. Once the injuries were repaired, his healing factor should have adjusted, but that hasn’t happened. We’re going to have to figure out what that weapon was or he won’t heal.” Tony walks away and heads to his lab. The rest of them know what he’s going to do and Bucky follows to help. If there’s one thing that Tony Stark can do better than anyone else, it’s figure out tech and what makes it tick.

“Alright kiddo, let’s try it again.” It’s been two days. Bucky sends a blast into the test area again. One of the weapons lays on a table, taken apart, the one in Bucky’s hand is the same kind. They’ve been firing every weapon they could find, but nothing matches what happened during the battle. The next blast gives the same results they’ve been getting and Bucky sighs. Tony’s shoulders sag. “What are we missing?” Tony paces the lab, rubbing his forehead. “The blast is the same, but the impact isn’t. What am I missing?” With his hands on his hips, he keeps moving around the lab. “It’s like there was something else in play, but I was there…”

Bucky jumps towards the table, looking at the disassembled weapon. “That’s it! That’s what we’re missing.” He points at the weapon. “Look!”

Tony comes over, looking down at the weapon, looking up at Bucky, he grins. “I knew I kept you around for something other than a pretty face.”

  


“You were right. The first time around we missed it because his body had healed around it. It’s a biological material, so the scans didn’t show anything. Once we knew what we were looking for, it was easy.” Dr. Cho looks back at the glass door of the medical suite where Steve is resting. “He’s started to heal the way we originally thought he would. He won’t be awake for another day or so, but you can sit with him.”

The team nods, but no one makes the move to the door. They all look at Bucky, who doesn’t think twice or even once about heading to the door. He’s in the chair next to Steve within a minute, tentatively reaching over, taking the super soldier’s hand. “You gotta come out of this, Steve. You gotta explain to me in person why I scared you so much.”

The rest of the team filters in not understanding why Tony had asked them to hang back. When they see the young criminologist holding Steve’s hand, things start to fall into place. Natasha had known that Steve’s intense reaction to the doctor’s presence wasn’t normal, but she just figured he didn’t like strangers around his team. This…isn’t that.

They are finally shooed out by one of the nurses, but Bucky stays. Thor leaves to clean up, but comes back with food. “You should eat.”

Bucky doesn’t speak, just takes the food, nibbling here and there. The silence and the God of Thunder’s appraising stare finally become too much. “Why are you…” Bucky flicks his wrist to indicate Thor’s presence.

Thor smiles softly and Bucky sees how it changes his face. There’s something gentle in the god that doesn’t show up often. “The Captain is my friend, my battle companion, a good leader, but a very lonely man. It concerns me because I understand those feelings.” Bucky stops eating. “On Asgard, we encouraged those with power to use it for the benefit of all.” Thor shallows thickly. “But being the son of the king, I was held to a higher standard than others. I played a part for the benefit of the kingdom. It weighed heavily on my shoulders.” Thor looks around the room, smiling. “Then I came here and the only expectation of me was to fight the good fight and be a friend to a found family.”

Bucky is puzzled and knows it shows on his face. “Why are you telling me this?” It isn’t harsh, but definitely curious.

“Because Young James, our Captain has not learned how to cast off those expectations. Not just the ones that this society has of him, but the ones he has placed on himself from before. Steven is a great leader, a good friend, but does not know how to care for himself. He has small things he enjoys, but the others know nothing of this. They all believe that if they can…” Thor pauses, checking for others in earshot. “find him companionship it will help.” Thor looks pointedly at Bucky. “They do not understand that the companionship he looks for is not what they believe it to be.” Leaving it at that, Thor heads to the door. “Finish your dinner and rest.” And the god is gone.

Bucky does finish the food, watching Steve breathe evenly. After the food is gone, he leans forward, taking Steve’s hand again. Holding it with one, he uses his other to caress the strong, capable hand of a great leader. Moving a finger down a vein, over a callus on the thumb. Turning the hand over, he touches the pad of each finger, down to the palm and over the calluses there. The hands are big, strong, and the fingers are long, like a pianist. If the idiom wasn’t so ludicrous, Bucky would laugh because like a bolt of lightning, Thor’s words sink in. “Steve, why do I frighten you?” He doesn’t expect an answer and none come, but he thinks he gets it. “I’ll be here when you wake up and decide to explain.”

Steve doesn’t wake up the next day or the day after that. Dr. Cho is concerned, but also sure that he’s going to be fine. “We could wake him. We have something that would do that.” She frowns at Tony.

“If he isn’t waking up, Mr. Stark, it’s because his body needs more time.” Tony huffs, but doesn’t push any further.

Helen leaves the room and Tony looks at Bucky, who hasn’t left the medical suite since this all started. “Kid, you need to go sleep and clean up.” Bucky starts to argue, but Tony’s hand stops him. “I’ll stay and if he even moves, I’ll have FRIDAY wake you. Come on kiddo, you need to take care of yourself.” Nodding, Bucky gets up, heading to his apartment.

Tony takes the seat that the kid just left, leaning back in the chair, he watches Steve breathe, just like Bucky’s been doing. “Listen Cap, I think I know what this is about.” Tony leans on the arm of the chair, hand propping his head up. “I think you like that kid and I’m getting the impression that he likes you too, now that he knows you aren’t the asshole you’ve been acting like. If that’s it, you gotta know that none of us are going to care. None of us would judge you for that. You need to let yourself be happy. You need to grab hold of a life that isn’t this. You deserve to have some happiness.” He doesn’t mean to, but he dozes off soon after.

  


It’s been a week and Steve still isn’t waking up. Helen finally caves and tells the team that if he isn’t awake by the following morning, she will use the drug that Tony suggested earlier. Bucky takes the seat next to his bed. Over the course of the evening, each of the team members filter in. After midnight sometime, all is quiet. Bucky leans forward, taking Steve’s hand again. “I’m going to start to think that you don’t want to wake up and talk to me. I thought you weren’t that much of an asshole.” There’s no response.

Bucky doesn’t release Steve’s hand, even when he lays his head on the bed next to Steve’s thigh and falls asleep. He starts to wake sometime later to someone’s fingers running through his hair. He’s awake, but doesn’t move because it feels so good. “Your hair is as soft as I thought it would be.”

Bucky’s head shoots up. “Steve?” The super soldier smiles at him and it’s a revelation. He’s seen the man smile at his teammates, at agents, but he’s never seen _that_ smile. “I need to get Helen.”

Steve doesn’t let go of his hand. “She’s already been in. You slept through it.” Bucky starts to sit in the chair again, but Steve pulls him to the bed. He sits on the edge, watching Steve take in everything about him. “I didn’t want to wake you. She said you’ve been here every day.”

Bucky blushes and it’s completely endearing to Steve. “Well…yeah…it’s just…” Bucky takes a deep breath and looks Steve straight in the eyes. “I was worried…about you.”

“So, I’m guessing you got my letter.” Bucky nods. “And maybe wouldn’t mind if I explained?” 

Bucky doesn’t looks up at Steve, he can’t because he’s afraid this might all be a game. “When I was a kid, I had a crush on you. When I came here to work I was so excited, but then…”

Steve closes his eyes, taking in what an epic asshole he’s been. “Then I treated you like you didn’t matter.” Steve pulls their joined hands to his chest. “But you do matter. You matter so much. That’s why you scare the hell out of me.”

Bucky looks up pleading. “Why Steve? What could possibly be so frightening about me?”

“Because I’m falling for you and that isn’t something Captain America is supposed to do.” Bucky barks a laugh.

“Captain America is an asshole then.” Steve joins him in his laughter. “Steve gets to have a life too. You need to remember that.” They just sit talking and holding hands for the rest of the night and into the morning. When the nurse comes in carrying a tray of food, there’s enough for Bucky to eat too. 

When Thor comes around the corner, he smiles at the picture they make. Steve is sitting cross-legged in the bed laughing at something Bucky is saying and Bucky is looking up at Steve like he hung the moon and stars. “This is a welcome sight to see, my friends.”

  


Helen allows Steve out to walk around the following day. Tony takes that as an invitation to plan a picnic. Helen frowns, but agrees to come too so that she can keep an eye on Steve. Bucky left earlier that morning to drive into the city. His sister is in town and he hasn’t seen her in several months. She belongs to a group called Doctors without Borders. Once Steve looked it up, he decides that the entire Barnes family must be too good to be true. Each of them giving back using whatever their strengths are. He wants to meet the parents that raised these two kids.

The picnic is fun and everyone seems to enjoy themselves, but Steve finds his mind wandering to Bucky. They’d spent the previous day talking and Steve explaining how and where he grew up. Bucky listened intently, asking questions occasionally, but Steve wasn’t really sure where he stood with the young doctor. 

“Your mind seems to be somewhere else.” Helen sits on the blanket next to him. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” She nudges him with her foot. “I told him everything and I don’t really know where we stand.”

“He means a lot to you, huh?” Steve blushes.

“I went back through everything he’s done since joining SHIELD and before, Helen. Every report, every mission outline, every piece of data that he’s put together. He’s brilliant in a way that I really didn’t appreciate.” Steve sighs and looks embarrassed. “And all I can think about is how beautiful he is and isn’t that the same thing as not appreciating his mind? I think he’s too good for me.”

Helen smiles, but it’s not for Steve. “I think I get to be the judge of whether or not I’m too good for someone.” Steve whips around, to find Bucky standing with a young woman who looks enough like him that Steve’s sure this is the sister. 

She’s trying very hard not to laugh at the confession that Captain America just made about her brother, but failing miserably. “If Steve Rogers doesn’t think he’s good enough for my asshole brother, something is wrong in this universe.”

Bucky reaches over, ruffling her hair making her squawk. “Shaddup pain in my ass.” Helen excuses herself as the two sit on the blanket with Steve. “Steve, this is my sister, Becca. Becca, this is Steve Rogers.”

They shake hands. “It’s nice to meet you, Becca.”

“Likewise, Steve. Now let’s talk about this belief you have about my brother’s worth because I gotta tell ya that he’s not all that.” Bucky elbows her causing the two to giggle with each other.

Steve watches, entranced by how the sun catches Bucky’s hair and his eyes sparkle with mischief. “Oh I don’t know, I’d say he’s just about everything.” He doesn’t realize he said it out loud until the two freeze, looking over at him.

Becca looks at her brother. “If you don’t marry this guy while he’s still under whatever spell this is, you’re a fool.”

  


Becca takes the guest room in Bucky’s apartment, but as soon as she’s settles in and ready for bed, she herds him to the door. “Get your ass out of this apartment and go ease that man’s worries!”

“What are you talking about, you harpy?” She stands, glaring at him in the most unimpressed way. He chuckles because he hasn’t seen this part of her in such a long time.

“That man is in love with you and you’re trying to hang out with your sister. It’s pathetic and I won’t stand for it.” She starts to turn to head into the kitchen, but sweeps back around. “And if what I saw today was any indication, if you aren’t in love with him already, you will be soon. Now get out of here!” He doesn’t move and Becca comes to him, hugging him close. “What is it? What makes you stop yourself?”

He pulls away, leaning into the wall. “He’s not what I expected once he stopped being an asshole. He’s funny and really nice.” He sighs running his hand through his hair. “But Becca, he was so dismissive before. What if that’s what he really is and this is just…”

Becca barks a laugh, surprising Bucky. “Listen you idiot, if everything you told me on the way here is true, then this guy, the one that you like, is the real Steve Rogers. I mean think about it, he grew up in a time where this was not just frowned on, but illegal and could have gotten him killed. Then he wakes up in a time when it’s okay, but now he’s this icon with no personality and thinks he has to live up to the hype. What would you do?” He shrugs, never taking his eyes off the floor. “Well, I think you do understand.” She goes to him and raises his eyes to hers. “I will only say this once and you will not use it against me later, but he sees a really hot guy, that’s smart and funny and really, really kind and the bottom falls out from under him.”

Bucky smirks and Becca knows what’s coming. “You think I’m hot?”

“Shaddup and get out of here, you hopeless romantic.” She shoves him at the door and he’s gone.

That’s how Bucky finds himself standing outside Steve’s door, hand raised to knock, but second guessing his decision. Taking a deep breath, he raps three times and shoves his hands into his pockets. The door opens and Steve looks, surprised. “Bucky?”

Bucky would never admit this to his sister, but something happens to his insides when Steve says his name. Looking up, flushed with embarrassment, Bucky smiles. “Hiya Steve.”

Stepping away from the door, Steve blushes and in that moment Bucky knows that the blond has the same feeling when he hears Bucky say his name. “Come in…I mean…if you want.”

Bucky backs him into the apartment, closes the door behind him, and presses Steve into the adjoining wall. “Oh, I want.” Not giving the man time to respond, Bucky’s lips find home and comfort on Steve’s.


End file.
